What type of Muslim are you?

There are different types of Muslims out there, writes journalist Hassan al Katib. Some are sectarian, others are takfiri, and some are just plain Sufi.

Below is a list of how and where you can spot one and what their good and bad points are. See which type you relate to most.

Disclaimer: This article is supposed to be satirical and plays on crude generalisations, with important political messages behind it.

Sunni type

The Sunni type follows the Quran and Sunnah (yes, all Muslim types do, but I thought I’d mention it). But it loves Arab monarchies, especially Qatar. It has too many misconceptions about the Shia types, and therefore it discriminates against them.

It wants to liberate Al-Quds but has forgotten how to do it. It can be spotted in Asia, Africa and everywhere else.

Shia type

Wants to be understood by other Muslims. Hates Salafi/Wahabi types. The sell-outs among them admire Western warmongers like Bush and Blair. Known to differentiate between people based on lineage. Usually prefers to think about political events in the past and prepare for what might happen in the future, instead of concentrating on the present.

Sufi type

Very spiritual and peaceful. Spiritually peaceful and at peace … did I mention that it was peaceful? However, it hates Salafi types. Doesn’t like to get involved in politics, but accepts hoards of money from the government on stuff like “Preventing violent extremism.” Enemies of the Muslims love the Sufi type for its pacifism and subservience.

Salafi type

Very devout and God-fearing. Puritanical and literalist. It mostly despises and looks down on other types of Muslims. It hates man-made stuff and democracy, although it participated in elections in Egypt. It sees many things as haram or bid’a.

Always gets into an “I-am-right-you-are-wrong” argument with everyone. Increasing all over the globe, especially in Western countries.

Secular type

It opposes takfiris but is intolerant of Islamists. Often seen with Zionists. Targets innocent Muslims on university campuses. Despises niqabs. Can easily turn into a dictator and despot in Muslim countries. It likes to rub shoulders with people in power and normally comes from a wealthy background.

Looks and acts like a non-Muslim. Usually found pontificating about its unpopular version of Islam in the media.

Takfiri type

Don’t mess with this grumpy and dangerous type. Prepared to attack at any moment, for the smallest of reasons. Easily manipulated and highly naïve. Hates anyone that disagrees with it. Does unfortunately consist of a few Sunni and Shia types.

Non-Sectarian type

Contains all the above types who are just frustrated that Muslims are attacking each other and not concentrating on the real enemy. Usually insists on just calling itself a Muslim. Wants to fix the Ummah. Hasn’t come up with a good strategy on combating sectarianism.

As you’re here…

5Pillars have one humble request from you…

Thousands of Muslims around the world visit our website for news every day. Due to the unfortunate reality of covering Muslim-related news in a heightened Islamophobic environment, our advertising and fundraising revenues have decreased significantly.

5Pillars is editorially and financially independent, with no sectarian or political allegiance to any particular group or movement. Our journalism has been exclusively grassroots focussed and our sole purpose is to defend Islam and Muslims in the media.

This makes us unique in comparison to other online Muslim media outlets who are neither independently regulated by a reputable body nor are they managed by qualified journalists.

Our journalism takes time, money and effort to deliver. But we do it because we believe we have a duty to Allah (swt).

You may not agree or like everything we publish. However, which other Muslim news site that is run by experienced journalists will take on the responsibility of being a shield for Islam and Muslims in the media?

If you follow 5Pillars, and you understand its importance in today’s climate, then please support us for as little as £5 a month, it only takes a minute to make a donation. Jazakallah khayran.

Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:“The best deeds are those done regularly, even if they are small.” [Ibn Mājah]

 

CLICK HERE TO SUPPORT 5PILLARS

Add your comments below

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.