A Christmas letter to Santa McChishty

Mak Chishty says the private space of Muslims should be monitored

Activist Salim Bhorat writes an open letter to Commander Mak Chishty of the Metropolitan Police to ascertain to what extent he’d like Muslims to celebrate Christmas. 

Dear Commander Chishty,

As a concerned Muslim parent I am writing to you to seek some guidance around celebrating Christmas.  You see as someone who has grown up as a Muslim in Britain during the late 60s, 70s and 80s, it has to date never been an issue that my family did not celebrate Christmas. The teachers and fellow pupils at school all took it in their stride and knew that “Muslims don’t celebrate Christmas”, even the racist bullies who called us “Pakis” and “wogs” didn’t for a moment take us to task on not celebrating Christmas. In fact some even felt sorry for us as they headed out on Christmas afternoon on their newly unwrapped shiny Chopper bikes and skateboards.

Anyway I digress from the guidance I now seek; you see I was neither surprised nor shocked in the current climate of Islamophobia when you wrote that the British public need to be wary of Muslim kids saying it was not permissible for them to celebrate Christmas, and that it may be taken as an indicator leading to non violent extremism.  Well as a Muslim father of two young children who have to date not celebrated Christmas, I would hate for them to be categorised in such a way when I am shamefully ignorant on this day in May of how many shopping days there are left to Christmas.

I have made a list of all the things which I have observed my non Muslim friends over the years doing to celebrate Christmas, please note not a single one of them does everything listed below.   Could you please be so kind as to tick the boxes next to the activities so that I am prepared and able to protect my children next Christmas from being labelled extremists and what we need to do to pass your celebrating Christmas test:-

  • attending midnight mass on Christmas Eve
  • partying and clubbing on Christmas Eve
  • Christmas wreath on front door
  • mistletoe under aforementioned front door
  • Christmas tree with lights, decorated with a fairy/star on top
  • wrapped presents under aforementioned tree
  • stocking under mock fireplace (chimney is inaccessible if I was to be honest to Mr Claus)
  • Turkey dinner with trimmings
  • M&S mince pies (I gather this may earn bonus points?)
  • an alcoholic beverage partaken by the adults
  • alcopops for the kids
  • watching the queen’s speech at 3pm
  • falling asleep after aforementioned speech under intoxication of aforementioned beverage
  • party hats
  • crackers
  • party horn and poppers

I do appreciate you must be a very busy person with such a stretch on Police resources these days that you would not have raised the issue of Muslims and Christmas had it not been crucial to the security of the country. I am particularly interested in your response to the Christmas tree lights as I have, in anticipation, already registered www.MuslimChristmasTreeLights.com in order to make a killing if the Justice Secretary deems it a necessary act for Muslims to engage in celebrating Christmas. We all know how much of a bugger, sorry how incredibly difficult it is to register meaningful website domain names these days.

I would also sense that the Christmas celebrating Business secretary Mr Javid would also be delighted at my showing such enterprise and adding to the treasuries coffers.

I look forward to your reply so I can order the Christmas ‘goodies’ I need to protect my children from being labelled extremists and also to get cracking on the e-commerce Muslim Christmas website.

Your brother in Islam (and in possibly celebrating Christmas too),

Salim Bhorat

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