Controversial social media influencer Umm Abdullah has issued a statement accusing her husband Hasanat of physical and mental abuse, as well as being the sole reason for her living a double life.
The following statement was posted on Umm Abdullah’s official Facebook page yesterday night:
“My name is Ruksana Ali. I am both saddened and pleased to say that my days as Umm Abdullah are finally over. I want to thank all those pages that exposed me as they have saved me from a marriage that I didn’t want to be in anymore but didn’t have the courage to walk away from. All you saw in my posts was of me smiling and beaming with happiness, but what you couldn’t see was the sadness behind those smiles. Most nights I would cry myself to sleep, hoping and praying to Allah swt for a way out, almost giving up on life, and Subhan Allah this was the answer to my prayers. What may seem like a punishment and a disgrace to most, is in fact a true blessing in disguise. The truth is my family knew absolutely nothing. I hid everything from them like I did from the rest of the world. The day my husband announced to the world his marriage to Sarrah was the exact moment when my family also found out. The very next day they learned about my double life, the shocking truth of my husband’s agnostic phases and the best thing they ever did was to swiftly pull me and my children out of the toxic situation and I can never be more thankful and grateful for the love, understanding and support that they have shown me throughout. I can finally see some light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
“I married my husband because I believed him to be a good, practising and god-fearing Muslim which he portrayed very well in the beginning. My first few months of marriage was nothing short of amazing with very few issues until my husband married the second time (within the first year of our marriage whilst I was pregnant with my first child) without my knowledge initially, but when I did find out I accepted it for the sake of Allah swt. My husband made me believe it was his right and that I had no choice but to accept it, but little did I know that my tests would get harder and harder as he carried on having relationships with numerous other women through both marriage and illegitimate relationships. My dream was to be the perfect wife; therefore, I did anything to please my husband. I was always good, obedient and the most loyal wife to him which he can never deny. My life slowly started to become unbearable which in turn affected my emaan which was getting lower and lower by the day. I use to have to live under the same roof as my co-wives and being the first wife, I was expected to do most things, constantly balancing my life and making sure everyone was happy by sacrificing my own happiness regardless of how I felt about things. I had to bottle up my emotions, including hiding any evidence of violence from him whether it was by suppressing my own screams from when he used to physically abuse me or by ensuring marks were covered with either make up or my face veil. Hiding my tears no matter how I felt or what he did to me was important for him, so that it wouldn’t affect anyone around us, because if it did, my husband would always blame me for causing defects within the ‘team’ or ‘ruining the system’ as he’d always like to remind me. He was degrading and oppressive. His obsession was to have total control of everything which he would do absolutely anything to maintain. I was forced to put on a brave face for him, my children, my co wives, my family, my close friends, colleagues and lastly social media. As I was made to feel isolated from everyone, the only person I could share my problems and emotions with was sadly none other than my husband who would then make me believe I was abnormal for feeling the way I did. Anyone who has ever had any contact with a person with narcissist traits will understand the situation I was in and the circumstances surrounding my actions. I was made out to be the ‘intellectual boss woman’ on social media by my husband which was tough to maintain. It became extremely difficult living up-to his expectations every single day which resulted in me being severely depressed, suffer from mental health issues and when I eventually hit rock bottom I started having suicidal thoughts which on one occasion led me to walk to the very top of my apartment tower, on the 21st floor balcony and contemplate jumping over the edge to escape my nightmare of a life. Alhamdulillah Allah swt saved me that night. In these moments I was afraid to reveal the real me, so I carried on as Umm Abdullah who deep down is the ‘real’ me (I was a practising niqabi before marriage) before I lost my way. I stayed in my marriage as that’s all I knew. I come from a whole family with a Mum and Dad. The last thing on my mind was to break up my little family. Many of you may say I could have easily come out to seek help and support or escaped, I wish I could and I did contemplate it many times but I felt trapped by his sick games, threats, constant blackmailing and the fear of safety for me and my children led me to continue with my miserable life and maintain the illusion.
“I started the Umm Abdullah page solely by myself when my emaan was at its highest and with good intentions. I saw a lot of fitnah in the world when it came to relationships and although I am not perfect myself I thought through sharing parts of my life on social media I could try my best to promote a beautiful halal relationship for our young Muslim brothers and sisters to look up to and show them that a wife who is veiled from head to toe and a husband who is dressed in Islamic attire and beard can also have just as much fun as a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship BUT within the boundaries of Islam and in a halal manner under the blessing of Allah. As I slowly lost control of my social media pages to my husband, through his ill intentions the focus quickly changed from ‘couple goals’ to ‘Hasanats goals’. I used to love my job. I genuinely loved counselling and doing Ruqya because I believe in this day and age the youth especially our young sisters are still in need of a female figure that they can share their personal problems with and go to for help (rather than go to a local imam for help and support which they would naturally feel shy about) and in the years that I have been on social media I am humbled at the numbers that I have helped in many ways with the will of Allah swt. This was the only positive aspect of my life so I clinged onto it. I never wished no wrong or harm upon anyone.
“I want you all to take my situation as a lesson to question and never look up to social media personality’s as role models no matter how real or genuine they may look because believe me behind every video there is always a good 10-20 takes that are taken until everything is perfect and behind every picture there is a good selection of 40-50 similar pictures to choose the most ‘genuine looking one’ which is to be uploaded on social media. During photo and video shoots if I failed to follow my husband’s instructions, play along and make things look real and genuine, it would anger him, I was abused in numerous ways until I got the message loud and clear that his way is the only way, so brothers and sisters I repeat one more time and sincerely advise, other than the real and true examples who are our Prophet pbuh and his companions, do not write ‘goals’ under anyone’s picture rather make dua for them because you don’t know what’s really going on behind those screens.
“To address the concerns around the charitable funds raised for the Rohingya Refugees. I can confirm that we have received orders from the Charity Commission for England and Wales. There is an ongoing investigation in which I am fully cooperating with the authorities who are investigating how we managed the funds that were raised and I will continue cooperating with them until the matter is resolved. I feel constrained about what comments I can or cannot say about this matter as although I was the main face of the fundraising campaign, my husband was the lead in the project and handled most of the tasks i.e. how the funds were to be managed etc. In regards to the funds raised for the other campaigns i.e. Baby Ibrahim, Umm Khadija etc to my knowledge the intended recipients received the donations made.
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“During my last video which most of you may have seen, everything i.e. the whole situation was raw, fresh and I was not in the best state of mind as I was still numb and in a state of shock due to the zombie like life I had been living the past few years, therefore, I wasn’t able to make myself very clear. Regarding the allegations of me also being agnostic, I’d like to clarify that although my husband went through agnostic phases during our marriage and he would coerce and try his best to articulate and justify his thoughts to myself and the co-wives, I am a Muslim and always will be. I am not an agnostic; however, I have had phases in my married life that led me to low emaan and I struggled with my deen and neglected my salah. I have since sincerely repented and continue to do so. Allah swt is the most forgiving and the most merciful. But I can now see this was due to the environment I was in and the person I was with, who instead of helping me to find my deen as my husband and protector, he encouraged me to carry on and watched my downfall with glee. This was the Qadr of Allah swt.
“I’m sorry to you all if you have felt hurt and betrayed by me. I will now continue to be sincere to everyone around me and to better myself as I alone will be held accountable for all my actions on the day of judgement. I wish to lead a simple life from here on Insha’Allah and so the story of Umm Abdullah and Hasanat is over. To be open and honest with you all I am feeling very lost and broken now that I have finally left him because that’s all I knew for the past 5 years and I depended on him for absolutely everything from teaching me how to think, handle my emotions, act, direct my videos, choosing my posts, captions, replying to comments on my posts and even how to respond to my family and friends. I truly believe I will come out of this a much stronger person with an even higher emaan than the day I married my husband and to be the best mother I can be to my 2 beautiful sons who are my biggest blessings. I’d like to remind everyone that you are never alone, and that no one will understand exactly what you are going through unless you give them a chance, or you will struggle in silence like I did. I know that for many of you this is still very confusing, but this is the best way I can explain what I was going through as I feel I owe my loyal followers and well-wishers an explanation before I disappear. You must appreciate that there were many other factors involved apart from the mental, emotional and physical abuse I suffered but I would like to keep them private for now. I would very much like to close this chapter of my life for good and move on.
“This is my last statement as Umm Abdullah before I remove myself from all social media so that I can concentrate on repairing my life. I would like to confirm that I am no longer with Hasanat, I completely disassociate myself from him and anything you may see on social media going forward is not from me. Since I have left him, I have not received a single penny from him to support me and my children, instead I have debt building up from unpaid rent, council tax, bills etc from when we used to live together for which he conveniently used only my name rather than his own. As his wife of 5 years in my opinion he shouldn’t be trusted for anything he says. I ask other wives and liaisons to be brave and come forward and warn all women to steer clear of him so they don’t make the same mistakes we did. I’m sure you as the community and ummah are able to tell right from wrong and make a sound judgement on all of this. According to Hasanat, I have been emotionally blackmailed into releasing statements, this is most certainly not the case. I ask you Hasanat to just come clean, admit to this and walk away from the public eye and stop making videos as you can’t manipulate everyone like you did with me to see things your way. What you are doing is only making things worse. Sadly, it wouldn’t surprise me if Hasanat were to retaliate in some form for publicly ending my relationship with him as it is not in his nature to accept defeat, but I am confident that the truth will prevail. May Allah swt help us all.
“Again, I am truly sorry for any hurt I may have caused, all I ask is for forgiveness and dua for me and my 2 boys. Fi Amanillah.”
5Pillars have contacted Hasanat for a comment and await a reply.